Creating Value Based Habits

It's so funny that we believe we can become someone brand new overnight. We just need the hope of a new year to propel us into being exactly who it is we've always wanted to be. We'll be more motivated and positive, healthier and happier, all because we've redefined the goals which have eluded us all year long. They're resolutions now, and the word alone gives them more power. This is THE year, OUR year! The truth, though, is that we are ignoring everything we know to be true. 

The Universe does not change suddenly. Change is a constant, gradual evolution. A caterpillar does not become a butterfly overnight, nor does winter become spring. We, being intricate parts of the Universe, are governed by the same rules. Transformation comes from change, yes, but change takes more than reformed habits and a change of attitude: it requires an entirely new perspective.  

Our individual perspectives are often not congruent with our new goals. For example, you want to eat healthier. This means more vegetables, more fruit, less chocolate. Why do you want to eat healthier? You know that your current diet is not helping your body; you want to look better; you see it as something good you can do for yourself. But consider if you view food like this: chocolate and sweets are a reward; vegetables are a form of denial. So even though you make the goal to eat healthier, motivated by the need to feel better, your perspective still defines unhealthy food as a reward. Your brain still recognizes chocolate as something that will make you feel better and no amount of positive thinking about broccoli is going to override that; you cannot lie to yourself.  Your new habits and change of attitude can't possibly coexist with a perspective which contradicts them. Eventually you give up your new goals, returning to the behaviors which support your perspective. 

Change lies first in changing our perspective and then introducing the habits and attitude which reinforce our new paradigm. Our perspective is formed by our values, and when our habits and attitude are in tune with our values we are more effective, happier people. But how do we identify our values? And how do we make sure that our perspectives are based on values we wish to uphold?

I started by making a list of what is important to me. Not people or things or degrees of success, but values: the tenets on which my life must center in order for it be meaningful. I then identified the behaviors which reinforce those values and will ultimately make me a happier person. This is how new habits are formed and kept. Every time we perform those habits we shape our perspective; in this way, we are renewed, transformed. 

When you make very conscious decisions, motivated not by outward results - looking better or gaining the respect of your peers - but by a desire to live in accordance with your values, you build upon the integrity of your character.

First: who are you and how do you see the world? 

Are some of your perspectives skewed? Think about if they're inline with the values you believe to be important. 

Second: Do your behaviors support and reinforce the kind of person you believe yourself to fundamentally be and the kind of world you want to live in?

It is only once we examine our perspectives that we can change the behaviors that are informed by them. Each time we act in a way that is congruent with our values, we build our self-worth. We become more confident in who we are and what we believe in because we are living as authentically as possible. Our perspective no longer undermine our goals; they are in harmony as reflections of our character. It is in this way that we positively shape our perspectives; we don't have to tell ourselves to "be" positive because we are positive. We don't have to force ourselves to eat vegetables so we can get chocolate as a reward; we start to view the food that is truly good for us as reward, as a way to be kind to ourselves.  Our attitude and our habits become the natural fruit of a healthy, balanced worldview. 

What's important to remember is that the change is gradual. We're still caterpillars now; our perspective is limited to that of a caterpillar - but, little by little, we change it to one a butterfly. The caterpillar starts by building a cocoon, and we, too, start to build the habits which create our new world.