Before my kindle tragically broke (literally two weeks after I got it), I started to read the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. I realize everyone else read it 5000 years ago, and as I didn't even make it to the first habit (so I'm not even 1/7 of a more effective person), I'm not exactly an expert on how to live effectively. But I really liked the few pages I did read, and I thought the author, Stephen Covey, had some really valid ideas; specifically: the circle of influence and the circle of concern.
The circle of concern is basically all the things that you cannot control: situations, other people, the Universe. The circle of influence are the parts of your life that you can impact, which make your life seem fulfilling and manageable The more you expand your circle of influence, the smaller your circle of concern becomes.
People who have bigger circles of concern than they do influence tend to be unhappier, less effective people. Which makes sense: if you relinquish your right to choose, you invite all sorts of negativity into your life. Of course, some things are always going to be beyond our control; we're never, ever going to be able to control or dictate the actions of another person, and we shouldn't want to. But the bigger our circle of influence grows, the less the things that remain in our circle of concern matter. We learn to let them go.
I like to think of my circle of concern as being everything that I begin with an "if...then" statement. If he stops doing that then I'll be happy. If I had more time then I'd exercise. If I was "richer/thinner/smarter then....and it continues on into infinity. It also applies to situation I worry about constantly before I have any reason to. I worry about my car breaking down, and then I get frustrated because I'm not an American citizen so I can't get a job to pay for my broken down car, and then I worry that I'll never be able to get a real job and I'll have to return to England; and then my head blows up from all these things that are completely beyond my control and haven't even happened yet and might not ever happen.
So, clearly, the circle of concern sucks. How we do expand our circle of influence? I like to think of this circle as filled with the statements: "I can do" and "I can be". These statements lead to choices which lead to action; they also encourage a positive attitude. The actions are what systematically expand my circle of influence until the nagging worries from my circle of concern seem rather insignificant. As I mentioned before, real change is the fruit of a new perspective; by viewing our lives as something we are ultimately in control of - when it comes to being more effective, happier people - we naturally develop a positive perspective.
I like to think of my circle of concern as being everything that I begin with an "if...then" statement. If he stops doing that then I'll be happy. If I had more time then I'd exercise. If I was "richer/thinner/smarter then....and it continues on into infinity. It also applies to situation I worry about constantly before I have any reason to. I worry about my car breaking down, and then I get frustrated because I'm not an American citizen so I can't get a job to pay for my broken down car, and then I worry that I'll never be able to get a real job and I'll have to return to England; and then my head blows up from all these things that are completely beyond my control and haven't even happened yet and might not ever happen.
So, clearly, the circle of concern sucks. How we do expand our circle of influence? I like to think of this circle as filled with the statements: "I can do" and "I can be". These statements lead to choices which lead to action; they also encourage a positive attitude. The actions are what systematically expand my circle of influence until the nagging worries from my circle of concern seem rather insignificant. As I mentioned before, real change is the fruit of a new perspective; by viewing our lives as something we are ultimately in control of - when it comes to being more effective, happier people - we naturally develop a positive perspective.
How many things are living in your circle of concern that can be positively affected by your circle of influence?
You can download a kindle app for your computer to keep reading your book!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great way of thinking about managing worry. Thanks!
I have that and on my phone too! It's just so much more convenient on the kindle. But I plan to continue reading :)
DeleteMy circle of influence is definitely much smaller than my circle of concern...time to start turning that around (she said for the millionth time)!
ReplyDelete